


Some Assembly Required

by LadyStardust



Series: Apartment-verse [18]
Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Furniture Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyStardust/pseuds/LadyStardust
Summary: In which they go to IKEA and Jareth falls in love with the wonders of Swedish flatpack furniture.
Relationships: Jareth & Sarah Williams, Jareth/Sarah Williams
Series: Apartment-verse [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/857320
Comments: 17
Kudos: 87





	Some Assembly Required

“Sarah have you seen these! Look at them they’re miniature castles!” Jareth said, delightedly running over to the display of children’s furniture. 

Sarah needed a new coffee table. The goblins had finally destroyed her old one for good and given that “jump up and down on the table until Sarah agrees to put down her book and pay attention to me” was an order she could squarely trace back to her Goblin King, _he_ was going to be paying for it.

Also she figured she shouldn’t have to spend time in the first ring of hell (formerly known as IKEA) alone. 

She just hadn’t considered it would be Jareth’s freaking best time ever. He was completely spellbound by both the sheer size of the warehouse, and the different couples shopping for furniture and was just way way too happy to be one of them. 

“What’s our cover story?” He asked her outside, thankfully mostly dressed like a real person. Gloves and eyes not withstanding. 

“We don’t need a cover story it’s IKEA not Fort Knox. Nobody will care who we are,” she said with a sigh. 

This had lasted about fifteen minutes before Jareth found the couch section and started chatting up a couple shopping for sectionals. 

“Oh are you two looking at this piece also?” The woman innocently asked Jareth.

“Why yes we are!” Jareth answered brightly, throwing his arm over Sarah’s shoulder. “Hello, I’m James Mc…Goblin and this is my fiancee…”

“Sarah, but we're not the McGoblins," she said shooting him a look of annoyance. 

“So I guess we know you’re not taking his name then!” The man joked, sticking out his hand for Jareth to shake. “I’m Bob Parker and this is my wife Ellen.”

If Bob Parker found it weird that Jareth was wearing leather gloves in the middle of an IKEA in May he thankfully didn’t say anything. Jareth was just delighted with the whole situation and shook Bob's hand. 

“Wonderful! Sarah and I have a place together in the city and we were just looking to … what was it you said dear? Spruce the place up?”

“Yeah something like that,” she muttered, thinking of the splintered remains of her old coffee table currently embedded in her hardwood.

“That accent, so interesting!” Ellen said, giving a little laugh. “Is it dutch?”

“Good guess!” Jareth said smoothly, avoiding the question. 

“Okay well nice to meet you, but we’re not actually shopping for a sofa today so we’re just going to go…to the tables…where we should be…James.” Sarah pointedly said before Jareth could let this go on any further, but it was no use. He was already launching into how it might work for their “summer home”. 

“Oh where do you summer?” Ellen asked, giving them another once-over. The way she said summer told Sarah just about everything she needed to know and figured Ellen was now appraising their current outfits. Sarah hoped she liked her knockoff purse. 

“We have a second home in my homeland,” he said smoothly. “It’s a warmer climate but it can get rather cold in the evenings.”

“Where in the Netherlands did you say you were from?” Bob asked curiously.

“Neverland?” Jareth replied pleasantly. “No I haven’t been in centuries.”

“What?” Bob said confused. 

“Hmm?” Jareth replied.

“Uh never mind,” Bob said, giving Jareth a sidelong look. “I think we should be going now.”

“Yeah, us too,” Sarah said giving Jareth’s sleeve a more insistent tug. “It was uh - anyways good luck finding your couch!” 

Sarah dragged Jareth quickly away from the conversation, before he could tell them that the Prime Minister of the Netherlands was Peter Pan.

"I think that's enough fun with mortals for you today," Sarah said, linking her arm with his as they made their way back towards the coffee tables. 

"Spoilsport," he said, flashing her a grin.

“What if you just made me a new table,” she asked him.

“With my own two hands?” Jareth replied aghast. 

“What? No. If you can identify a socket wrench I’ll be blown away,” Sarah replied with a derisive scoff. “You’ve got _magic_ you walnut. Just make with the wiggly hands and boom, coffee table. I know you could.”

“Of course I could,” he said waving her off. “But I’ve told you before, nothing from nothing. Items created by magic only exist for those who believe them to be real. It would be a bit odd if every time you had guests over the coffee table ended up being no more than a pile of artfully arranged leaves.”

“But it would be very artful,” she said half joking. 

“Very artful indeed. Perhaps the finest leaf table ever made,” he teased her back. “But you’re not normally one to jump to the magical solution. So insistent on my fine goblin craftsmanship?”

“No sorry babe,” she said squeezing his hand. “But we could save a bit of money and then I don’t have to stay in this white windowless furniture store designed to be as much like a casino as possible. People lose hours in here Jareth.”

“I know isn’t it splendid,” he said, eyes alight. He was looking around to all the different couples, slowly walking by furniture, examining the tag and then continuing to walk.

“Ohhhh,” Sarah exclaimed, stopping in her tracks. “Now I get it! Of course you like IKEA! It’s a labyrinthian hell. You _love_ labyrinthian hells!”

“I wonder if placing a large array of Swedish furniture at various decision points in the Labyrinth would have the same effect as here?” He said musing on the scene around him. 

“I knew there was a reason I hated IKEA,” Sarah said with a shudder. 

“Excuse me,” Jareth said, having wandered over to an elderly couple looking at a china cabinet. “How many years would you say you’ve been here? Just a rough estimate is fine.”

“Nope,” muttered Sarah, before running over to drag Jareth away from yet another very confused couple. “Stop it or we’re going to get kicked out and then you really will have to make me a table out of leaves.”

“I’m doing research,” he said winking at her. “You have thirteen hours in which to find a coffee table or else you must wander the store forever.”

“I’d leave you here alone but I’m worried you’ll just annex it into new Goblin territory,” she said tugging him back towards the tables. 

“Preposterous, this is human territory - the old wards would keep me from even uttering the Right Words. No love, this is far more _your_ kingdom," he said with a grin.

“There are Right Words to colonize an IKEA?” Sarah said skeptically. “What are they? Ektorp est Snuulen? I call on the powers of the flatpack?”

“Careful,” Jareth gently admonished. “Last time you threw out a few imprecise words you had to run a Labyrinth to unmake them. Are you ready to face the beast at the center of this Labyrinth?” 

“Would that make you the minotaur then?” She teased.

“As you well know things are not always what they seem,” he said, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “All gods and monsters start the same. History is written by the winners, as I’m sure you well know - Sarah Williams of the Labyrinth. Which would you rather be?"

“Bad luck for you I'm neither,” she said idly examining a nearby floor model. 

“I think you might be both,” he said, giving her one of those looks he always saved just for her. 

“What if I just want something with a little bit of storage and is sturdy enough to support at least three goblins?" she asked.

“Well you’re in luck, might I introduce you to this fine example of a table. The most well selected imitation wood in all the land. Perfectly suited to match your kingdom stomping needs," he said, directing her to one of the tables.

“Kingdom stomping is all well and good, but can it support goblin stomping?” Sarah said, looking critically at the table. 

“Should I summon a few to try it out?” He asked, with mock innocence.

“Don’t you dare,” Sarah said, knowing he was only half kidding. “Best case they break the floor model, worst case we get to test the perimeter of your memory charms.”

“It doesn't have a ... magic doesn’t work like that,” he said weakly, trailing behind her as she compared the specs of the table to the measurements she’d saved on her phone. 

“Well neither does bringing in a hoard of goblins to infest this IKEA,” she said distractedly. The table might actually work and then they could finally go home.

“There’s a couple of old brownies running around, I’m sure one or two goblins could go unnoticed,” he said running the palm of his hand along the edges of the table. 

“There are brownies in an IKEA? Meanwhile I’ve been on the waitlist for years!” Sarah grumbled. She’d inquired about getting a brownie for her apartment ever since Jareth had told her there were some that lived and worked in the human realm still. They were often tied to houses and families, but every now and then one would be left homeless. They had the option of going back Underground or finding a new home. Brownies had lived alongside humans for so long now that most people just _didn’t_ see them. Sarah saw them almost all the time now, but they were very good at testing the limits of her perception.

“You can could ask them,” he said with a shrug. “But most of the ones I’ve seen here are quite elderly. I think they’re using this store as a retirement community of sorts. Most of the cleaning is taken care of by the custodians so they are able to do the work that interests them.”

“But I’d leave out milk and sugar for them!” She countered. “I bet they’re not getting that from the custodians.” 

“Likely they’ve liberated the cafeteria of a few choice items on their coffee cart,” he replied. “I can assign one to you if you are that desperate to get out of scrubbing your bathroom.” 

“No, no, no,” she said shaking her head. “We’ve been over this. They come by choice or not at all. I’m not about that indentured servitude.”

“They’re my subjects, they go where I tell them to,” Jareth said, still concentrating on the table. “Besides you’d be the one feeding and taking care of them.”

“No because you’d be ordering them to live with me!” She complained. “I don’t want that!”

“You’ve owned dogs,” he said idly. “I fail to see how that is different.”

“Because they’re dogs!” She said exasperated. “They're meant to be a pet! They need our help to take care of them.”

“That’s roughly the same idea with brownies, except they clean messes instead of creating new ones.”

“It needs to be a mutually agreed upon partnership. They clean my house and in return they get a warm and safe place to live where they don’t need to hide and are well fed.”

“As I said, I fail to see the difference,” he said, frowning at the table.

“You usually do,” she said with a sigh. “Also I think we should get this table if you’re quite done staring it down.”

“I’m not staring it down,” he replied. “I’m adding a few extra features to make sure this one doesn’t break so easily.”

“Babe,” she said, barely able to contain her laughter. “This is a floor model. We’re not taking this one home. We’ll grab the box this one comes in and then put it together at home.”

“Oh.” He said looking at the table curiously. “Hmm well, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“What sort of magic did you put into it?” She said, looking at the seemingly unchanged table.

“Let’s just say that if a fire should break out in this IKEA, you could be confident that this table would remain virtually unscathed,” he said with a grin.

“Huh yeah, that’ll be weird for whoever buys this,” she said considering the situation. “It’s not got like…any defence mechanisms I should know about right?” 

“No, it’s quite safe just a bit unusual.”

“Well then it’ll be a fun bonus. Sucks to be you though, you’re going to have to do those same tricks again on the one you do buy me.” 

“I’m buying?” He said surprised. 

“Your goblins, so yes, you’re buying,” she said poking him in the ribs. “Time to pony up with your faerie credit card.”

“They’re half yours too love,” he said, giving her a quick kiss on the temple. 

“Please,” she said rolling her eyes. “Despite whatever story you’re selling to Partridge family back there, we’re not actually engaged you know.”

Jareth shrugged. “But we will be.”

“Uh, not anytime soon,” Sarah said with a warning.

“Is that so?” He said with a smirk.

“Yes! It very much _is_ so! We’re not getting engaged until I say we are! I don’t … I don’t have a plan for that yet!” She said slightly panicked. “We’re not engaged Jareth, and we won’t be any time soon.”

“You say that so often,” he replied, walking away towards the elevator. “I wonder what your basis for comparison is?”

“No!” Sarah said, watching the elevator doors close behind him. “GOBLIN KING YOU ARE NOT MY FIANCEE AND YOU ARE BUYING ME THAT TABLE!” She shouted at the closed doors while several people looked on with mild concern. 

“I hate IKEA,” she grumbled, before taking the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> The year is 3386, during an archeological dig, buried under multiple feet of dirt and magma, a coffee table is found. It's mostly fine. It's from Ikea. White oak finish.


End file.
